There is a lump inside my throat

It is weird how you can trust in yourself, and feel like you can accomplish anything in one moment. Growing in an new environment, and finding the treasure within yourself. Being alive in life's greatest moments then all of sudden that familiarity leaves you haunted.

There is a lump inside my throat. The feelings of abandonment, loneliness, feeling lost while being torn apart from the sunshine that oh so ever helped me plant my feet in the soil mother nature provides me with. Being able to wiggle and take steps in all directions finding myself and learning more about who I am and what I hold within myself. The glory of this reality I was living in, so giving yet a revolution played out in my head fighting the demons that had consumed me for SO FUCKING LONG.

There is a lump inside my throat. Making it hard to breath and feel at peace with this life. Struggling to wake up each day while setting an intention that I will help myself in a small way this day. I feel disconnected from my soul in every which way. I didn't know that these days would become my reality again, but this time it has come with a weight that I feel like I cannot bare.

There is a lump in my throat. It is trapped inside of me as I have wrapped it with shame that comes with blame. It is suffocating me and I don't know how to fight it back. I am tired and discouraged that it will just stay like this forever.

There is a lump in my throat that makes it hard to express myself to my mom and dad. This lump creates a barrier that keeps me from allowing myself to just accept mom and dad's love and care. I wish I could love myself like people love my hair, I am beautiful and I am light. I make this world a better place and I am strong just like my hair. I am not a burden and serve purpose, why can't I just fully know this within myself? It keeps everything shoved down as it tries so hard to get a grasp of air.

There is a lump in my throat. Telling me that I am unworthy, undeserving, disgraceful, valueless, good-for-nothing, no-good, not good enough, horrible human being. Apart of me, my soul and my heart knows that this is not true.

There is a lump in my throat that is unaware of the beauty I serve and the purpose I live for. This lump in my throat is a constant battle that tires me out but the part of me that knows that this won't be forever is stronger and will always be greater!