Life's greatest moments

There was a long period of my life,16 years that I had never thought I would come into contact with. Where my soul, heart, and mind, would all be aligned. That I would be grounded, and one with myself. I mean self love, appreciation for the human being I am and the space I take up. I never thought that I would ever feel confident in my skin, love my body the way it just is, or feel proud of myself for living, and being content within.

Feelings of joy when waking up in the morning, excited to see what each new day brings, feeling like I was unstoppable and that I could overcome any battle. Really appreciating the pain I've experienced and thanking the shame that has held me down for so long, and the battle of almost doing myself in for giving me the grace of feeling and being alive. Coming into a deeper understanding of myself and my ways. Trusting fully when the words "everything will be okay" were spoken, relieving worry and fear. Having a healthy mindset that didn't tear me apart or consistently leading me into negative spirals.The freedom of saying "It's GREAT to be fucking alive!!!" without the feelings of guilt but instead feeling proud and excited for what is yet to come. Feeling a heavy, horrible burden taken off of me as for within I had finally found peace. A breath of pureness that leaves me feeling like a feather, as I feel energetic, as if I could run, and run, and run and run, forever.

Feeling this for a good, solid 4 to 5 months of pure happiness. No artificial smiles just raw tears and the bliss of happiness. During this time period, I wasn't always bubbly and always wanting to engage, I had plenty of tough days. What was different was that when feeling upset, down, overwhelmed, etc I was able to pick myself back up. Just giving me the perfect amount of timing to sit with these hard feelings but not to the point of self hatred and negative behaviors or thought patterns. I've always been used to "oh okay now I'm feeling like shit, this is not okay. I don't have any place to feel this way, I have it so good off. Punish yourself, Sarah. You are a horrible person. *Intentionally does not try to help myself in these moments, as a form of self punishment. Makes myself feel worse because of my black and white thinking*" As a result of this I end up sitting in the pain while letting it consume me, thinking very unrealistically. It's deteriorating and draining.

So coming to this point in my life was life changing. As this was the moment that I have been so deadly deprived of, as a lot of us are. This moment was my turn around moment of when I had felt that ever so powerful sunshine on my face as the feelings of liveliness flooded me. Peace, a sense of being truly found and being centered as one. I know that this higher self is reachable and always awaiting my arrival. When reflecting, I have realized that healing is not just one straight path uphill. It's full of taking steps back, winding paths and coming across unexpected barriers. That connection within myself is what I am persisting each and every day for.