The importance of change
Since living here in the group home, I have realized how important change is. I've been living here for just about 8 months. Before I arrived, I dreaded the day I had to drive to the group home to be dropped off. Let me tell you that October 26, 2018 was not a easy day, its been one of my hardest days. Being dropped off in a new house, surrounded by strangers, then having to say goodbye to my family, knowing that I wasn't going back in the car with them back home. I stayed in my room for the rest of the day after they left a little before noon, crying, screaming, punching myself, trying to cope with the overwhelming feelings. I cried myself to sleep that day. I was worn out, I felt hollow inside, empty, weightless, numb. The next couple of months were hard for me as I was getting used to living away from my family, and sleeping in a new bed without my dog, Oreo. This has been the longest time living away from home for me. Leaving all my friends and explaining why I have to live somewhere else was challenging. My heart was broken as I felt guilty leaving the place I grew up, have formed some many connections, and have been supported and loved so dearly despite all my mistakes. The community that took care of me when I couldn't take care of myself.
Leaving a place so familiar is challenging but crucial for us to grow and heal. When we accept change, we are able to love harder because we know that losing is just part of this life. We speak kinder because we know words are just feelings on a timeline. With change we are able to breath better because we know the difference of living and standing still. Change comes with a lot of unknowns. The unknown is scary, because we don't know what to expect, we can't prepare ourselves. But the unknown allows us to dream, and have hope. As it opens new doors to places we never imagined ourselves to be in or expected to happen in our lives. Seeing the good in change and the unknown is hard. Not knowing our futures is challenging. Leaving home to an unfamiliar place that I would have to live for the next year or so was hard. There were so many unknowns boggling in my mind. But the change has allowed me to learn and become more aware of myself, learn new lessons, grow, heal and become stronger for whatever crosses my path. It has birth my self confidence and love which ables my self to shine my light on others and receive warmth from them. Its a cycle, leaving home allowed me to heal, healing has allowed my to love myself, loving myself has made me feel happier and be at peace, self love has allowed me to shine my light on others as I receive the positive energy I give to others, for myself. Its awesome!! Without the change I don't know where I would be at.