My Story

I have been struggling with anxiety and depression for a number of years. It started small in 6th grade, I tried to hide it from my parents since making them worried causes me a lot of anxiety. Self harming became a problem, going into 6th grade was a rough transfer. In elementary school I was bullied a lot, kids called me names, would physically hurt me, and would run away from me. I didn't have any friends. I was lonely and I hated a lot about myself. I was ashamed of feeling depressed, I compared myself to others and thought that I didn't have as many struggles as other families. I thought that I was selfish. My parents found out that I was cutting and I ended up in an Intensive Outpatient Program (IOP) for 3 months. I found out that I had ADHD, anxiety and depression. During that program I made a really good friend who introduced me into the youth group at a church. I didn't understand the concept of God yet but I truly believe it was a blessing. I had up's and down's throughout middle school, many therapists, psychiatrists and treatment groups were needed. Freshman year there was more serious bullying happening that had to be reported to the police. Sophomore year I was given a new medication, the medication was not supposed to be given to 18 and under and had the side effects of worsening suicidal ideation. I had a very bad reaction to it, my suicidal ideation increased, I started seeing and hearing things and started cutting myself in public places and noticable areas on my body. A number of nights I called the police because my safety was at risk and they took me to Uplift Services. While I was on a mission trip in Tijuana I had a bad panic attack and made impulsive and bad actions. My trip was cut short and my dad picked me up for my safety. I was soon hospitalized for a month because I needed higher level of care. The hospital put me on many medications and I was worse off then started. I was discharged from the hospital because they felt better that they put me on a bunch of meds. A week later I was hospitalized again, they put me on more meds and I was discharged. I was then sent to another hospital for 2 months. I was put on more meds, currently I am on 9 different medications for various of things. My parents, and doctors are looking for even higher level of care now. Its been a very long journey but soon I hope to get to the bottom of this.