Thank you, pain. Yours truly, Sarah.

I have always had trouble accepting and moving on from the trauma and pain of my past. Its affected me, it is apart of my life but it doesn't define me. My pain does not define me, I am stronger than my pain, I am bigger, Im still alive. "As long as you make mistakes, you're still human, As long as you keep trying, there's still hope." - Susan Gale I've been through hell... I've hit rock bottom. I've suffered great amounts of pain. I didn't want to be here anymore. I wanted to do myself in. My past doesn't make me weak though, and I am ultimately grateful for the pain and shit that I've been through. Yeah, it sucks a lot to go through the pain and intense emotions that I have experienced. But as a result of this I have come out so much stronger and it has opened my eyes to notice the beauty in the world. I have experienced and thought about the worlds evil which creates hate, anger, frustration, sadness, and fear within me. At the same time I have learned to appreciate the smallest things that I would just pass by before. I am blessed, people hurt for me, but why hurt for me so much when I'm accepting of the pain of my life. I can overcome my pain. Life is full of ups and downs, twists and turns, bumps and barriers. The path is not easy and everybody's experience is different. This weekend my Mom had asked me "Sarah you claim to be feeling happier, that you love yourself and you are happy with your life. If that is true why do you still self-harm? Why do you still experience such intense emotions? Why do you have bad days that are sometimes really bad days still?" I was shocked and I had to pause before I replied. Just because you feel really happy, or are loving yourself at one moment does not mean that your never going to be upset or have bad days. I doesn't mean that I won't experience pain anymore. Your life is your constant path of recovery, self growth, and self discovery. Once you feel like you have been healed your not going to stay that way for the rest of your life. You have been healed in some ways, that you are more wise and stronger. Think about this, if we were really happy forever and didn't experience pain, would we really be able to call that happiness? We wouldn't know any difference from happiness. We must have the bad to know good. When we experience the pain we can be more grateful for the better times. Pain is beautiful yet destructive and devastating. I have come to conclusion that I am grateful for the pain I've experienced. How weird that sounds. I don't wish for difference in my life, I am happy with where I am at and with my life.