Progress in the Works!

After being in residential care for about 5 months I have made tremendous progress and growth. I can feel the difference and I feel a lot better. Part of recovery is you are making your way up hill getting better but somedays you go down a little and then work your way back up. This is normal and totally okay. I still experience the bad days but thats just apart of life. Thanks to a friend, Forrest, I have learned that when we have the bad days we can be more appreciative of the better days. But also it is important to go through the bad days and hard times rather than pushing them away. The hurt will build up and then boil over and cause a bad day that could have been avoided. You should feel the pain so then you can get through it. Its okay to be upset and cry, totally okay!! While being away in treatment I have become more wise and appreciative of my life. Its still hard knowing that my parents and people I’m connected with, are hurting because of my absence at home. But overall they are great full and hope full for my journey. This is a reminder that love comes with pain. When you love someone and they are away, and struggling you're going to empathize and feel for them which is normal. I tell my parents that I am grateful for the hard times and pain that I’ve been though because it has shaped me into the person I am today which I can say that I love more than ever before. I don’t wish for difference in my past, yeah it sucked a lot being hurt and the pain that it created that I have to work through but I have come out so much stronger. Which I am grateful for! I have formed a relationship with myself that allows me to feel much happier and content with myself. I am finding my inner peace slowly but surely. I am finally understanding and taking into action that I want to become better for myself, not for the people I love so they wont hurt as much but for myself. I realized that when loving yourself you feel happier which then effects the people around and automatically makes them feel happier because of the energy you give off. We are on this planet together with billions of people around us to support each other, comfort each other and to form a relationship with ourselves and self discover. What I have found is that we often depend on someone for our happiness, relationships that make us feel loved and happy. Yes that is important, but people don’t stay in our lives for the forever sometimes. So then you are only left with yourself to form a relationship with yourself. I like to refer my mental health as two mindsets that I have. The first one is from my heart deep down inside that is true. The second mindset is my beliefs formed from experiences that have effected me negativity. For example my first mindset and beliefs is that I know I am loved by my family a lot. My second mindset would is I am a burden to my family because I am struggling which is impacting them negatively. They might not love me as much because they are hurting because of me. It is like I am constantly at war with myself with my mindsets. Yes, they are hurting because I’m not doing so well but thats normal that my parents that love me dearly are going to feel for me because I’m in pain. Like I said love comes with pain. I am learning to accept my struggles and pain and untimely be grateful for the experiences that I’ve survived from because of what I’ve gained and where I’m at currently. Residential treatment has changed my life and I’m feeling better than ever before. I've had some of my worst days here but when you recover your road is not perfectly straight and not paved. Every individual is different and unique. You have to create your own path and that is what makes you unique. Something that our society is caught up in is the acceptance of others, we are judge mental. It boggles my mind that people are not accepted for their race, age, sexuality, ethnicity, gender and/or religion. I believe that no matter what race, ethnicity, sexuality, gender, age, religion we should be accepted for who we are. This creates a problem with the acceptance of ourselves. Its frustrating, I hope that our world can know acceptance, love, and peace. “World peace begins with inner peace.” Dalai Lama

Much love, peace, and hope,

Sarah Field